Nightmare of What Never Was
by SpyralHax
Summary: Gintoki has a horrible nightmare about his time in the Joi war. But an unexpected event occurs, one not from his memory. The image leaves him in shock as he awakes. Only one person can help. Gintoki x Kagura.


**Nightmares of What Never Was**

**Rating: T (some blood)**

**Pairing: Gintoki x Kagura**

**This one is a little darker than I am used to, so it might not be as fluid as I usually like. Not sure where the idea came from, but it felt good to write it. Not everything in Gintama is happy sunshine, after all. Basically, Gin has a terrible nightmare, and there is only one way to calm down. Reviews always appreciated greatly. Enjoy.

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Turning his head from side to side, a silver haired samurai tries to find his way through the thick smoke. His chest burning in exhaustion, heaving as he tries to get his breath back. Turning his gaze down, he notices the bodies littering the ground, the stench of death thick in his nostrils. Eyes half lidded with tiredness, the young man trudges forward, through the hellish landscape.

Each step brought the pain to the forefront, every muscle in his body crying out in pain as he looks for anyone to be called a friend. Every so often he recognizes a body, the corpse of a friend and ally, often times surrounded by the corpses of the enemy. Looking at the slashed and cut bodies, the samurai feels his body fill with rage, physically shaking as he clenches his katana in hand. Tighter and tighter with each step, his knuckles shifting from a soft peach tone to a white color like the snow that had begun to fall.

Occasionally he would lose his balance, his feet dragging over the body of another fallen comrade. Looking on the bodies of his friends, he made a promise with himself that he would survive, that he would make it through and live his life without regrets. As he walked, the cold of the snow made him more aware of the moisture that clung to his body, soaking right through his clothes.

His normally white coat stained red with blood, the thick substance dripping from the edges of the garment, joining the deep pools upon the ground. The sound of the liquid dripping did not even register, his mind focused on the same substance staining his features, the crimson of his eyes matching the crimson that dripped from his nose and chin. The man known and feared as Shiroyasha was the ultimate samurai warrior, striking fear into his enemies.

If he were to see himself, he knew, the vision reflected in the surface would not be that of a man. But the reflection would be that of a demon, stained blood red with the lives of his enemies. Lifting his gaze, the young samurai stopped. Narrowing his eyes, he could see the last obstacle to his exit from the battlefield, and in his mind he cursed his bad luck.

Rumors had a way of spreading, especially when those rumors were designed to instill fear into an enemy. Information about the number of kills, their brutal tactics. Any such information, if used correctly, could create a legend. So it was no surprise that while there were many a noteworthy figure for the Joi Faction, then there must also be counterparts on the opponent's side. His crimson eyes alight with fear and loathing, he watched as the woman clothed all in red turned, her impossibly clear blue eyes piercing right through him.

Should one call him the Shiroyasha, the White Demon, then she would be his opposite. A demon in the form of a teenaged girl, always clothed in red clothing of the Chinese style. How ironic, he had thought from tie to time, that one of the most feared aliens in the galaxy chose to wear a manner of clothing so representative of an Earth nation. Their eyes locked, narrowing as they considered the other at a distance, waiting for the time to strike.

Bringing his katana up into a defensive position, he inched slightly forward, the rest of the battlefield disappearing around him. From the look on her face, he could tell that a similar occurrence was happening with her. The memories of the rumors he had heard began to circulate in his head, causing his heart rate to pick up quickly. He knew that if he weren't paying attention, there was no way to come out of this alive.

The two edged closer, stances solid as they awaited the other's attack. Silky red hair, totally out of place on the field of battle, waved almost mockingly in the light breeze. The snow began to fall a bit harder, each flake staining itself crimson with the blood that soaked the ground. Feeling his muscle tense up, he watched the young girl opposite him, their bodies coming closer and closer.

Something about the girl seemed… almost familiar to him. It was the strangest feeling, since he knew he had never seen her before. Any time he tried to think back, his mind got hazy, and nothing came into view. Yet, he knew that something was out of place. He sometimes regretted not being smarter, and this was one of those times.

All his doubts about the situation disappeared, as the sadistic grin on the girl's face showed her intentions clearly, sending a chill down his spine. The impossibly blue eyes shone with a malice, a sadistic pleasure that he knew all the rumors must be true. She was a monster, and one that was preventing his exit from battle.

Without warning, the girl lunged at him, his body almost reflexively bringing his sword in front of his chest to block the heavy purple umbrella. Despite blocking the blow, he felt himself being pushed back from the sheer force of her slash. Planting his foot into the softening mud, he countered, slipping his sword quickly around the umbrella, turning into a slash towards the chest. The girl's reflexes were stunning, as she leapt backwards from the slash, landing a short distance away before leaping at him again.

This time he simply deflected the blow, letting her umbrella land harmlessly in the mud below as his own blade ran straight towards her stomach. Bringing a foot up, the girl blocked hid blade with the sole of her shoe, pushing back roughly against the sharp metal. Leaning her body back, the Yato warrior brought the other foot up, kicking his blade away as the umbrella moved upward, mirroring her movement. Gin felt his eyes widen, barely leaning back in time to evade the blow.

The pair stood at a near standstill, each breathing hard with exertion, blood slowly disappearing underneath the quickly piling snow. As he looked at the Yato girl, Gin could see a sort of admiration for him in her malicious gaze. He couldn't help but smirk, taking the look for its value at having impressed such a monster. The pair of combatants spewed remarks at one another, but he couldn't understand anything that was said. It was as though the volume had been turned all the way down on their words.

As they set themselves in battle once more, Gintoki found himself almost enjoying the action, the girl's face showing a similar thought. The ducks and weaves, acrobatic moves and impossible dodges gave an appearance almost like dancing more than a fight to the death. But Gin was determined to win, watching the girl's movements carefully as she continued to flip and evade his blows.

He thought for an instant what it might be like to have a girl like that as partner, sending a flood of oddly blurry memories through his mind. Giving his head a quick shake, he was barely able to dodge a blow towards his head, ducking down onto his haunches as her swing went just a bit wide. Eyes widening in anticipation, the silver haired samurai brought his sword up with all the speed he could muster. The girl's eyes showed a fear, her body trying desperately to evade the blow.

*Schlck* The sound was almost sickening to Gintoki, his sword running straight through the girl's chest, edging closely to her heart. Pushing it once more for emphasis, he watched the smaller girl crumple to her knees. Pulling the blade from the cavity of her chest, he watched a torrent of blood, the girl's already snow white skin paling just a shade with the loss of so much vital fluid.

Crouching down in front of the girl, Gin discarded his sword, his face contorting with an agony he had seldom experienced before. The blurred images suddenly came into focus, watching the Yato's face change from a malicious grin to a warm, innocent smile. Her soft, blood drenched hands reached slowly outward, shaking with the sudden difficulty of moving.

Catching her hands as they extended, he brought them to his face, feeling a hot liquid begin to stream from his eyes. The girl stroked his cheeks lovingly, her lips curling into a sad, yet happy grin. He tried to smile back at her, to tell her it would be alright, that he was so sorry. But the words would not escape his lips. Time froze, and the snowflakes stayed locked in place adrift in the evening sky. Reaching out, he pulled the small body to him, trying to warm her cold skin.

"Gin-chan…." the words were like daggers, stabbing right through his heart. Looking at the small body in his arms, he watched her life drain away, the blood adding itself to the thick coat of red that dripped from his body. Clutching tightly at the girl's slight frame, the tears flowed freely, washing small rivers of blood from his cheeks.

"No! No way! Kagura!" His crimson eyes opened suddenly, his body shooting upright. He felt his breaths come in short, labored bursts, sweat soaking through the material of his sleepwear. Pulling his hands in front of his face, he simply looked at them intently, expecting to see the traces of blood on the pale skin. Looking around the room, he watched, waiting for something to move. The vision played in his head, the lifeless red headed girl in his arms. The tassles on her bun clips swaying gently in the breeze along with her rd bangs.

"Kagura!" Gin shot up to his feet, making his way out of the small Japanese style room, heart pounding as he ran down the hall towards the small closet that doubled as the girl's sleeping area. As he entered the room, he felt a sense of dread, the visions of a katana piercing through the girl burned into his mind. Throwing open the sliding door to the closet, Gin felt the relief loosen his body, slumping down to his knees in thanks.

A sad sort of smile crossed his face as he reached out, taking a hand of hers in his, almost bursting into a chuckle at his worry over her. The nightmare had been so real, so intense that it was almost hard to believe it was just that. But as he held the small hand in his, the tears ran down his face unabated. After a few moments, he let the hand go, scooting himself closer to her innocent sleeping form.

Craning his neck, he gazed down at the young girl who had come to mean so much to him, and he simply watched her sleep. The subtle rise and fall of her chest was an unbelievable comfort to him, as his breathing slowly returned to normal.

After a few minutes, he slumped backward, scooting back so that his back was against the near wall, one leg pulled up toward his chest. He smiled as he listened to the gentle breathing of the young girl, safe in the thought that she was alright. In the moonlit room, he looked at his hands again, and his smile disappeared. They were stained with blood, and nothing would scrub that away. Turning his crimson gaze on the girl, he thought about whether or not he truly deserved to be able to hold her, to touch her warm hands.

"Gin-chan?" her question surprised him, realizing that she had woken from her sleep, peeking her head out of the closet. Her small hands rubbed the blue eyes that he could see even in the dim moonlight.

"What is it, Kagura-chan?" he tried to sound as normal as possible, even though there was no way it could look that way. After all, it was quite unusual for him to be outside of his room at night. She seemed to pick up on the doubt, and slipped from her sleeping space, crawling slowly towards her silver haired friend. He turned his head away from her, not wanting this girl to see his tears. The memory of his nightmare returned, causing his body to involuntarily shake.

"What's wrong, Gin-chan?" her words seemed to show a genuine concern for her friend, and he felt the memory sweeten just a bit as her hands rested on his now damp cheeks. Looking imploringly at the girl, Gin just let himself go, wrapping the girl in a tight hug, his arms clutching at her soft, warm body as closely as he could.

Her body tensed a bit in surprise, before wrapping her own arms around his strong body. She asked him what was wrong, but he couldn't speak. The tears had died, but the memory was so strong, he didn't want to let her out of his reach. Nodding weakly, the girl let him sit there, surprised at how weak he seemed at that moment. Something had definitely happened, and she had to know what it was.

After a few minutes, he was feeling better, and relayed as much of the dream as he could remember. He watched the look on her face transform from one of shock, to a mild amusement, to sadness. She clutched at her chest as he said the last part, imitating the spot where he had run through her in his dream. Kagura asked why he would have such a dream, a question that left him just as confused. He wasn't sure why he had the dream, but it had brought up a powerful feeling in him.

"Don't worry, Gin-chan." she spoke reassuringly, her hands ruffling his silver hair as she talked. "I won't be going anywhere. We'll be together for ever, neh?" The sincerity in her voice made his heart stop for a second, a smile crossing his face as he clutched the girl tighter. He had never felt this close to another person, and had never taken a loss this hard. Even the thought of losing this girl had almost broken him. In his mind, Gin wondered if his friends from the war would laugh at him to see his strong will shattered almost completely by a nightmare.

But at that moment, with her body so close to his own, nothing else mattered. She had said that they would be together forever, and like him, she always went through on a promise. Pushing slightly on her shoulders, he looked intently in her soft blue eyes, faint traces of sleep in the deep pools of azure. Her face lit up a soft shade of pink, and he could tell that her body had warmed a bit at his gaze.

"Gin-cha-" she was stopped cold as Gin leaned forward, closing the short distance between them with a soft, innocent kiss. He let his lips linger on hers, savoring, needing the closeness it brought. The girl's smaller frame seemed to melt into his own, her chest leaning tightly into his. Her red locks fell gracefully around her face, gently brushing his own as she leaned into the kiss.

As they finally parted for air, Gintoki leaned back a bit, watching the look of near frustration on the girl's face. Reaching up, he brushed the strands of red silk behind her ears, watching the contented smile that graced her porcelain features. She was cute, no denying that. But her value to him was so much more than that. She was, in almost every sense of the word, his partner. The one who accompanied him through thick and thin, the one who played along with all his jokes. He needed her in his life and, he hoped, she needed him.

His smile widening once again, he pulled the girl into his embrace, swinging her quickly into a bridal position. The shock on her face soon morphed into enjoyment, her arms slinging themselves around his neck for support.

"Gin-chan?" she weakly asked, legs swinging gently over his arms. He looked at her, with all the reassurance that he could muster.

"Would you like to sleep with me tonight?" he found himself asking, no subtext to his words, only a self doubt. He didn't trust himself to sleep alone tonight, and knew that her comforting warmth would make his dreams pleasant. The girl enthusiastically nodded, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. The gesture warmed him considerably as he slowly made his way back to his futon.

Laying the girl down, he took a position next to her, pulling the covers over their bodies. He felt her soft frame curl up next to him, an arm draped carelessly over his torso. Giving her one last look, he closed his eyes, a smile etched on his face.

"Good night, Gin-chan." she spoke sweetly, her soft breath brushing gently against his ear. A soft shudder coursed through him as he responded.

"Good night, Kagura." So much had happened in such a short time, but Gin took solace in one important fact. Kagura had said they would be together forever. He knew she would keep a promise.

But a simple kiss, he figured, would be good enough to act as his own promise. A promise that he would never let her go.

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**Started off kinda dark, but had to leave a happy ending. My favorite kind, after all. Gin and Kagura make a good pair together, and they just look right together, especially in my mind. Anyway, also my first attempt at a sort of mini-fight scene, so let me know how that came out. Those are a lot of effort to write, so I have a huge respect for writers who can pull it off. next update of mine will either be chapter 2 to Family Affair, or a Gin/Sa-chan for Jack of All Trades. Not sure which yet. Look forward, as always, to plenty more GinKagu fluff from me as well, as it is my new preferred pairing in fiction. Comments on all my works are greatly appreciated. And we need more Gintama fics here. Series that doesn't get enough respect, I think.**


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